Reflection - 2018

This year is super amazing and unpredictable. I started this year in a new environment as I kicked off my first career last year. Then I thought I need to pursue another lesson in university since I have decided to do cross major in my career. I was not so sure when will be the right time to go back to school, however I eventually applied for scholarships. Until Alhamdulillah Allah bless me with a scholarship I've never thought before after I failed on another application. At that time, I was happy and confused at the same time. I have never thought that the timeline for me to go will be so fast which means that I had to resign from my position as soon as possible. Perhaps this is not my first plan, yet I believe this is the best for me.

Other than that, I have exciting stories this year. I did my first volunteering activity in Jakarta early this year. I got my first internship in one of start up company after I worked as full time employee in a big company where in both of them I received bountiful knowledge, experience, and inspiration. My brother successfully finished his master degree and decided to continue into PhD level. My very very best friend surprisingly told me that she's getting married soon. I joined my first open trip and watched my fav singer's live performance. I met a lot of new and amazing people who inspire me and show me another good perspective to be learned. I did many things I had never did before.

I need to grasp things to be learned carefully from what I have been through this year. As we are counting the days to new year, it is exactly the right time to see, evaluate, and gaze thoughtfully.

The past few weeks, I reunited with several best friends from high school, university, and office. We talked deeply about our life and exchanged our current situation. Realize it or not, ready or not, life after school is sooo unpredictable. We are pushed to be mature enough to face this life. We have to be ready to make important decisions of our life when everything seems to be right. Or we have to be ready to overcome situation where everything seems to be wrong. In this stage of life, I heard so many different stories from my friends and see so many different situation of them. Sometimes, I worry, thinking am I the one who's left behind? Or am I the one who leave them? Until I realize, that's not the point of everything. Life is life. Everyone has their own story. No need to worry too much as long as we try our best in every situation and pray hard. I hope years from now, I still can keep the people I love, my circle, to be close to me. I think this is the best way to understand this life. To remind me about who I used to be, what I have been through, where I belong, and how to be honest with my self. Because in this life we need those kind of people who willingly give us their best advice and stand with us whatever the situation is. 

After all, I realize that everything I achieved this year is purely because of Allah. My story becomes like this is because of Allah. And I still don't know what will happen next year and so. I just wanna be a better human being. 

Alhamdulillah. Allah has been so nice to me. And He always will. I have to remind my self that I have to be grateful on everything. I have to be close to Allah and remember Him in any circumstance. I have to pray more and do things I have to do as a Moslem.

Lately, I often think about afterlife which makes me so scared. I still feel so bad. I realize that all what we have and what we achieve are not ours. Life in this dunya is very short. I hope that we can make the most of it as good deeds for our preparation to akhirah. I wish we have more time and more opportunities to make our parents and the people we love proud and happy. I wish we become the kind of person who can do meaninful things for others. I wish year by year we all become a better version of ourselves. 

Let's face 2019 with new hope, more resolution, and more good deeds. :)

Wish you all the best.

5/8.

Then we are coming to the half way. 5/8 actually. 
What can you say about this? You look back then to the very first beginning. You entered this world. Felt so excited about everything. Yes it was. That happy feeling of coming to the class for the first time, meeting some new people. That excited feeling of doing the orientation program. That horrified feeling when you met your senior. All new beginning. Then you felt so happy because you finally find your bestfriends, people you can count on everything. People you can share anything with. You also have your crush, who made you feel so pleased everytime he was arround. Such a blissful.

But then you have to realize. Day by day everything changes. Even the perfect one, something that you think it wouldn't last. You finally find it so hard just to manage evertyhing. The subject is getting hard to understand. The task haunts you like it never stop. Also you have to concern on your non academic things.

Lately you will learn that less people you can trust. Well, people come and go. Life teaches you that. And you will finally find people whom you can always turn to everytime you need them. People who always hold your back, give you advice and motivation to do better. It kinda sicks to know that people talk behind your back instead of telling you the truth. It kinda sicks to know that the person you trust the most become the one who breaks your heart that much. But you have to bear with that.

Lately you will learn to be an individual person, not in a bad thing I mean. Just to make sure you can handle most of the things by your self. It's okay to enter the class alone, it's okay to walk alone at the corridor, it's okay to have lunch with the people whom you don't always be with. Because most of the time, you feel so comfort being alone.

Lately you will learn that life is getting harder. Everyone is trying to catch their dreams, so you also have to put your very best effort on it. You have so many plans. You build those dreams. For now and for your future. You have to make those work. Work hard, study hard, and pray hard. You will know how to manage your eye open till morning. You will have the experience of sleeping at the campus till morning or you will have chit chat with your friend while studying and finishing your task though you are going to fall asleep.

Lately you will learn how to fix your own self. When you get bored, when you have your emotion covering your mind and your heart, when you feel like you wanna throw anything away. You know to make it better. You just get your phone, chat your bestfriend, having some random conversation. Or you just get outside driving your car arround the city, sing along the way. Or you browse the internet, read the stories, open the youtube and watch some funny videos. Or you can go with your friend to the place you have never been there, capture some photos and upload to your instagram. Or you can go shopping, eating, do all the things you want to. You have knew how to fix it because you have larned.

Lately you will learn that you may not get what you want, you may get your heart broken, but you know that you have to be grateful of everything. You know that Allah always be with you and that's why you always feel safe. Then you realize that the time keeps running. Everytime you feel so down, family is a home. You will realize that you want to spend time with them more and more. 

And then you will learn that everything you do, it's for them.

In this life, you make a huge mess. People do good things to you, and some people don't. But that's okay. You may have a beautiful life last year, or last month, or last week. But life is a life. It can changes just in a blink of eye. Maybe you don't realize, but you grow older and older. Do good and the good will comes to you. So live a life. Be grateful. Be happy. Even though you feel that everything is going wrong. Because Allah is setting everything right.

So, it is 3/8 more. And many more dreams to fight for.